Drug Resilience – Argue with Mom!
New research from the US says that kids who argue with Mom can develop better drug resilience. Kids who are able to argue and win with their parents are said to be better able to resist peer pressure to use alcohol and drugs.
The study suggests that if parents are too demanding of unquestioning compliance, kids are likely to be less able to make strong decisions for themselves against substance abuse. Children need practice in being assertive, with their parents, so that they learn to fend for themselves when offered choices in social situations.
Children also need to learn to argue their position using facts and rational arguments – children who have learned that they can get their way by bullying, whining or shouting will do worse when confronted socially, than kids who have learned to use language and persuasive skills to negotiate for what they want,
Together with the concept of winning arguments with parents, there is also the principle of accepting graciously when parents make a final decision, against you getting what you want. Provided that the child and their viewpoint is treated with respect, and that they feel heard and listened to, it is possible to come to compromises, without feelings being generated in the child of powerlessness, anger and resentment.
When parents are too controlling they do not allow their child to fully develop as a self-directed individual. It is not whether decisions are right or wrong, but that the child has been enabled to reflect upon and reach their own conclusions about events in their life. Children who are “spoken for” as to their opinions and decisions can become compliant, or may harbor much unspoken rage and resentment against the dominant parents.
One of the indicators of possible substance abuse in later childhood is when a child shows early symptoms of oppositional defiant behavior towards adults and parental figures, and may demonstrate aggressive and bullying behavior towards younger children and peers.
Although the syndrome of oppositional defiance in well known and its symptoms well documented, as to causes these are said to be generally biological, psychological and social.
However, the comment is made that abuse and neglect of children tend to increase the chances that this condition will occur. Other safeguards against a child possibly developing this condition include parents being consistent about rules and discipline, punishing a child for bad behavior in ways that are nor excessively harsh or cruel, and modeling appropriate adult, mature behavior for the child.
There is no doubt that oppositional defiance is primarily directed against adults and it would seem, that when adults behave appropriately, demonstrating respect and fairness to the child, that children do not develop this condition.
The medical field is all too ready to diagnose related conditions such as depression or psychosis in children, that together with oppositional defiance is almost a recipe for a child to be dosed with medications. There are many authorities now beginning to speak out about the damage that can be done by the medication of non-compliant “behavior”, such as with Ritalin.
Medication of behavior achieves apparent compliance to directives as given by authority figures in the young person’s life. Before medication of the child is considered, the behavior of adults towards the child should be evaluated, to ensure that depression, psychosis and oppositional defiance is not a direct response to major failures and inconsistency in the parental upbringing of the child.
It is an additional tragedy in the upbringing of a child if when they turn to substance abuse it is seen only as an extension of oppositional and defiant behavior. Children turn to substance abuse because it makes them feel better – what the child seeks from drug use is feelings of emotional comfort, some control and direction in life.
Substance abuse in later life is strongly related to poor social skills and low self esteem – connected with early childhood abuse. Abuse can be a failure of respect, a bullying, forceful manner and emotional disengagement. We perhaps need to extend our view of child abuse from hitting a child in a drunken rage to include the many subtle forms of psychological and physical duress.
Successful recovery from substance abuse can be achieved using comprehensive programs that include an in depth review of emotional development and the acquisition of life skills.
Parents might themselves be suffering from the consequences of childhood abuse against them. Parents and children do their best to love each other, but abuse can distort and get in the way of normal relationship development.
Looking at substance abuse, in any family member, as an intergenerational issue does not mean that we are stuck with a genetic basis for misbehavior. It is what we see and learn in the home, more than our inate disposition, that teaches us how best to behave, to get positive feedback from others.
Parents and children at loggerheads due to oppositional defiance, and substance abuse will benefit from taking their issues to comprehensive family counseling programs that are designed to create resilience to actual and potential substance abuse.
Medication of behavior is not the way to go, when misunderstandings and failures of communication are leading to bad behavior.
Before you choose to medicate your child for behavioral problems,
all concerned will benefit from comprehensive guidance,
that helps to build better communication, and harmony in the family,
and brings an end to substance abuse.
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