What is Co -Dependence ? When to get Addict Help.
When people are in a good relationship based on free choice, love and respect then they are dependent on each other to have a fulfilled life – when problems arise they will be able to negotiate and resolve them.
Co-dependence is a term used when a partnership or family structure is based on mutual support for unhealthy attitudes and behaviors which are maintained to reduce anxiety or feelings of depression, rather than to energize and support creative and productive living.
Living with an addict is an example of co-dependence in which there can be different types of life games going on, at an unconscious level, which the parties don’t really see. The face which a co-dependent couple or family present to the world may not be a true picture of the family dynamics at all. Even the codependent parties might fail to see the real picture about the games they play.
Co-dependence gives emotional support to the people involved. Even with a couple there with be structures and power play, when an entire family is involved the dynamics get more complex. Provided that everyone in a co-dependent relationship is getting the pay off they need, no matter how degraded the circumstances, those involved will not want to do anything to upset their lifestyle. It is only when one of the parties does not maintain their position that difficulties occur. Many co dependent relationships can last for a long time before strains in the relationship become too much for a party to bear.
There is a lot of denial where co dependent relationships are concerned. The battered wife, the bullied child, the neglected spouse, a forcing arrogant father, an embittered shrew of a wife – all will prefer to cover the traces of damage that addiction brings for the sake of keeping the peace and to present a good face to the world.
When you want out of a co-dependent relationship no one says that it will be easy. Co-dependents don’t just want their partner – they need to have them available and under control. When you want to leave a co-dependent relationship the main problem is often that the other or others just won’t let you go.
You might be put on a guilt trip about it -how could you do this to me. You might find yourself abused and belittled – who do you think that you are to be able to live without me, even threats of suicide or murder can be made if you won’t simply let things stay as they are.
When a partner won’t get addict help yet wants you stay in a codependent relationship you will need some support and outside intervention – explain to the addict, without judgment, that your position has changed -that you do not support their current lifestyle – either they change, or you will leave.
It is easy to simply fall back into line, and play the role you have always played. When it’s time to get out, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about your past behavior – healthy people move out and move on – you need to do the same.
Getting help from holistic rehab services is highly recommended. They will help you to see the patterns of your life that have led to you being a codependent in a toxic relationship, and help you to build self esteem. With good self esteem you can build a new world – and holistic rehab can help.
One Response to “What is Co -Dependence ? When to get Addict Help.”
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It’s onerous to search out educated people on this subject, however you sound like you understand what you’re talking about! Thanks