Anger, Substance Abuse and the Family.

When people feel depressed or anxious about their situation in life, they will very often resort to anger as a way of taking and keeping control. Anger can be related to another person’s behavior or any circumstances where we don’t feel in control.

 Anger is an attempt to exert authority and control over other people or situations where we feel relatively powerless. Our expressions of anger are really a demand that others comply with our set of standards and rules.

 We can become angry when life does not meet our expectations. We can become angry with ourselves if we think that we have failed in some way. Getting angry is a way of coping with anxiety or depression and a means to get other people to be compliant.

 People as a community or family will find that anger arises when members of the group don’t seem to understand or want to follow a common set of rules. Road rage is a prime example of people becoming angry when they think that other people are not acting as they should when driving on the road.

 In families, parents expect their children to follow their set of rules. When children have different ideas, sometimes the parent becomes angry. Parents get angry because they see the child as challenging their authority, not doing the right thing. In many cases parents who get angry will also hit or shake a child to reinforce a demand that the child does as it is told.

 If children or adults know they have broken rules, then they will accept that other people might become angry with them. No one however accepts a situation where they feel that rules of conduct or behavior are unfairly imposed. They are likely to become angry and resentful.

                   “Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of

                    resentment are cherished in the mind.

                    Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of

                    resentment are forgotten.          Buddha. 

Harboring resentments is a way of holding onto anger. If a person feels that they have been unfairly treated but they have no means of getting even – they might become angry with others and themselves. The feelings of distress that resentment causes lead to emotional stress. People will often find relief from feelings of rage and anger in substance abuse.

 Using substances to feel better is of course only a temporary relief at best, and does nothing to help change the situation. Feelings of depression or anxiety which are masked by outrage or anger need to be sorted out.

 When people are using substances to moderate their feelings, it is a warning sign that there are issues which need to be brought out, discussed and resolved.

 People often feel afraid of or upset by other people’s anger. Anger often generates a similar angry response. Anger gets in the way of meaningful discussion. However, if people let go of their anger, it means that their feelings of vulnerability are exposed.  Mutual anger is about maintaining power and position at cost of real communication.

 When parents and children have issues that make them angry and substance abuse is involved, there is a need for a third party to help them out, to create a space in which they can calm down and start to understand what their real feelings about a situation are. Holistic counseling for families with anger and substance abuse problems can provide a relaxed, non judgmental forum so that emotional issues can be opened up, discussed and hopefully resolved.